Every two years I take a solo trip to Jakes Hotel Villa & Spa, Callabash Bay Treasure Beach, Jamaica. I have been doing this since 2011 and it was the best decision I have vere made. As an Empath, it is essential to recharge your battery on a regular basis. As and Empath who is a therapist, even more so (more on Empaths in my next post)!
This trip was relaxing and replenishing but I have not been able to let it go. Ironically enough I talk to my clients about letting go all the time. Not because getting back to the daily grind sucks after being in pure paradise for seven days, but because of Jason Burke. I met JB on the fourth day at Jake’s. He was there with his father on a father son bonding trip. They had been staying with friends who live in Jamaica and decided to take a break and head out on their own. JB and his father hail from Australia. I met his father first at Dougie’s Bar, which is the best spot at Jake’s, especially when Dougie himself tended the bar. Then JB rounded the corner. At first he was your typical good looking Australian guy, whatever that is, but as soon as he smiled it all changed. His smile was everything. We said our introductions, chatted for a couple of minutes and I learned that JB currently lives in NYC. A plus, right? What caught my immidiate attention, besides his smile and that he was more local than I initially thought, was how attentive he was to what I was saying. It is hard to find a man, at least for me, who actually takes an interest in what you are saying. This definitely stood out to me and started my feelings of admiration for him. With those feelings of admiration came my feelings of insecurity. So, I wished them a good day and went on my way to soak up the sun and put my insecure part to rest as I waited for my boat ride to the Pelican Bar.
The next day, I saw them again, but this time we talked some more. We talked all day pretty much. JB was polite, attentive, smart, witty, guarded but open. We talked about relationships, work, life. We had great banter and chemistry. He listened and asked questions. This was the first time in a long time that I felt extremely confortable with a man. Yes, a man, JB was just that.
That is probably what scared me. I started to convince myself that I was too old, too fat, not what he is looking for. Because a guy like JB wants a blonde haired, blue eyed, skinny white girl. Even though we hit it off, I was sure that there was nothing there. So sure that I missed the biggest cue a man can give you at the end of a great day together.
We often sell ourselves short, most likely because of fear of rejection. For sure that is one of my biggest fears, rejection. I started to ask myself why? There have been times in my life when I did not give two fucks if someone did not want to see my awesomeness. JB saw it and I still let my fear get in the way. I have vowed to not let this happen anymore. Like Rebecca Campbell says “Work your light.” We all have a bright light inside of us. We are the only ones who can shine that light. When you let that light shine those insecure parts cannot and will not overpower you.
Sometimes when your light is so bright, rejection is protection. Some people can’t handle your brightness, it blinds them, exposes them and they must retreat, don’t take it personal and shine brighter than ever.
Peace, Love and Light
Jessica Alejandro, LMFT