The Myths & Lessons of Unrequited Love💖

silhouette photo of man leaning on heart shaped tree
Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on
I’ve spent most of this lifetime in a state of unrequited love, you know the love given by you and not returned by the other.

For some reason, this phrase kept playing in my head for the last couple of weeks.  I kept telling my Divine Rebel Sistarhood FB group that I’d be doing a live about this and I kept avoiding it. 

Not sure why I was so hesitant because I wanted to talk about the gift that unrequited love has been for me.  I see that now.

For a long time I walked around feeling worthless unloveable and dare I say rejected.  As I sat to think more about this, I realized how far back this went. 

The first dose of love not returned was in elementary school. Yes, that early…this is how I know that I’m a very old soul…whatever that means. I came into this existence with the need to find love and have babies.  And when I mean came into this existence that way, I remember being 3 years old and having a crush on my babysitter’s husband.  He had the dreamiest green eyes…thought the 3 year old.  I also had a crush on my oldest sister’s boyfriend now my brother in law, he’s been in the family for a long time…and does not let me live that down…every chance he gets.(insert eye roll). 

Those were all silly little crushes and disturbing ones too now that I think about it but my first true experience of unreturned love was in elementary school.

My very first “older girl” crush at age 9.  He the dreamiest, athletic, with gold curly locks and the greenest eyes. I’m noticing a pattern here.  He was two years older and did not even know I existed.  I was in the 4th grade I think, and he was in 6th, needless to say he saw me as a little girl…maybe because I was.  But my deep almost obsessive crush got stronger as he continued to ignore me.  I wrote him “love letters” professing my love, pretty bold huh? I would sit for hours transcribing freestyle love songs to give to him, this was way before the internet…he ignored each and every letter I ever gave him. Enter the worthless and unlovable parts of me.

Fast forward into my young adult years and it wasn’t physically unrequited anymore. Guys found me sexy and wanted to take advantage of that and I let them, but there was still no love returned. Because of the worthless, unlovable, unworthy parts that had been formed through what I know now as toxic masculine energy that I displayed and received in return. 

Funny thing is when I did have love returned to me, I rejected it…I’d build a case against the poor guy…he’s too nice, he’s not man enough, he’s not ambitious enough.  When love was given, I rejected it and blocked it. I felt unworthy of it.

It wasn’t until I started looking within, connecting with my highest self, that I was able to see all of these experiences of love given but not returned were showing me I was not loving myself.  It was a clear reflection back to me telling me “You are the one who is not returning the love to yourself, until you see that you will not be able to allow anyone into your life fully and wholeheartedly.”

If this sounds like a familiar story, I want you to ask yourself:

Are you rejecting yourself? Are you blocking love to yourself form yourself or others? Even if you have a partner who loves you, are you still not returning love to yourself? 

The more we look within we can see what patterns of behaviors and emotions no longer serve us. It’s time to start listening to yourself, your highest self because she has all of the answers, she always has. 

If you would like help with tools and techniques on how to connect with your highest self you can join my FREE FB Group Divine Rebel SiStarhood right here:

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Stop The Hate: 5 Steps to Loving Yourself

hi haters scrabble tiles on white surface

We must stop the hate! The hate we feel towards ourselves will help stop the hate we feel towards others.  We often project to the world our inner feelings.  If we are feeling disgusted, disappointed, misguided towards ourselves we will treat others the same. The answer is LOVE, love towards yourself and others.  I know this seems like the trendy, in thing, that these news kids are talking about or trying to bring back from the 70’s, self-love, tsk!!

Hear me when I say this is the way to attracting and accepting happiness and most importantly joy into your life.  We spend so much time in a space of self-deprecation, self-criticizism and self-loathing that self-love sounds stupid and almost impossible.  Let me tell you it is neither of these things.  Here are a few ways you can start this self-love journey.

Be kind to yourself and others

You must learn to be kind to yourself and in turn you will be kinder to others.  We treat others the way we feel about ourselves.  Stop the judgement on yourself and your judgement of others will not show up anymore.

Be of Service

Most people feel good when they do for others.  We are taught to be of service to others but not are taught very well to be of service to ourselves.  The only way to be in full service to other and not feel depleted is by self-care.  Taking care of yourself, giving yourself a break, permission to rest and have fun is how you are of service to yourself.  In turn, you will be so much more genuine and effective when being of service to others.

Nurture Your Body

Love your body no matter what you think it looks like. Nurturing our body is not just about eating right or exercising, don’t get me wrong, these things are extremely important.  Equally as important, is accepting your body.  Acceptance makes room for unconditional love. If you do not love your body for what it does for you, helps you move, create, dance etc., no matter how much you eat right or exercise, you will never be happy in your body

Connect with Others

If you are reading this and you are an introvert, your initial reaction will be to disagree with this step, just hear me out.  We are social beings, we need to be around others.  Just because you may be an introvert does not mean that you do not need a tribe.  Your tribe may just be smaller than an extrovert.  If you are like me, an ambivert, likes to be around others but when you have had enough it is time to be alone in order to recharge.  The differences between intro and extroverts is they way they “recharge and process.” Extroverts need other people around them to recharge and process, they get their energy from being around others.  Introverts can be around other people but have limitations on time spent and amount of people that time is spent with.  They need quiet time to process and recharge. My point is we all need connections to others to thrive, learn about ourselves in order to better love ourselves. When you have found people who can help you do this, you have found your tribe.

All Parts are Welcomed

We all have different parts of us, those parts make us who we are.  These parts get created in different stages of our lives through different experiences.  There could be the 3-year-old little child who is scared and needs reassurance because they did not get it at that age.  There could be the angry 12-year-old pre-adolescent who feels super confident in their ability to play the guitar because that was the first time anyone complimented their musical skills.  All parts of us are there for a reason, they are part of us.  We must learn to love and accept all parts of us, the moment we do that, the easier it will be to works towards a balanced life.  We will no longer be fighting internally with ourselves, we learn to love ourselves wholeheartedly giving us the ability to better love others the with our whole hearts.

“The sum of its parts is greater than the whole”, means that we are better together.  All our parts “good and bad” light and dark make us who we uniquely are as individuals.  This is also true for humanity.  All of us, as unique as we are individually are stronger and better working together than alone.

If you want to learn more or embark of your self love journey a little further, got to my new web site and sign up for more information.


Peace, Love and Light,

Jessica Alejandro, LMFT

For psychotherapy (individual and couples)

To Blog or Not to Blog?

I’ve been at this blogging thing, very sporadically, for almost a year. Why, you ask? Because all the marketing gurus or successful private practice owners say it’s a good marketing tool.  That’s the main reason I started blogging.  But the it became more about sharing my voice with others, which I think is more important.

It took me a long time and a lot of self talk to get here, and I’m still working on being more consistent.  I have always loved to write.  Many people who know me well, don’t really know this about me.  This is because very early on my dreams of writing were pretty much murdered by different teachers in my life.  My writing career started off pretty well, in elementary school! By the time I got to high school, it was all over.

When I learned that blogging was a good way to get clients to find me, I was dead set against it.  All of my fears and self doubt flooded me.  What will I say? What do I write about? No one wants to hear what I have to say. What if I say too much? What if I don’t say enough? What if I offend people? or worse bore them?  When I was doing my research on blogging, everything pretty much said it does not have to be perfect, it is not a book.  That was hard for me to believe. It took me 2 weeks to write my first blog post and it took me two more weeks to edit it.  I was in a panic as I was getting ready to push the publish button. I finally pushed it, and guess what, nothing bad happened.  People actually read it and liked it. Not many people, but enough!

Blogging has helped me overcome all of the negative things said about my writing by those insensitive teachers.  I am not saying I am a great writer, but I do feel more comfortable sharing my thoughts, even if only one person reads them.  I continue to work on being more consistent with my blogs.  The more I write the more comfortable I feel.  If I can help one person overcome their fear of writing or anything else, it is all worth it!

Here are a few tips to help you not go through the panic I went through when I started this process:

Your writing does not have to be perfect

If you are like me, you worry if your writing makes sense, if it will be interesting or if it is grammatically correct.  When I decided to start blogging, I had to let all of those worries go, well maybe not the grammatically correct thing.  It really annoys me when people do not use grammar well.  I am not an expert by any means but there are just some simple things that many people get wrong.  Like using irrigardless, it’s not a word people! Or writing women when they really mean woman, single tense, don’t do that! I’m talking about being picky about commas or trying to sound professional.  Blogging is about connecting with people. Most people do not want to read something that sounds like a text book.  They want to relate, and that means forgetting everything you learned in school about writing.  You should edit though, but don’t over think it. Write from the heart.

Something is better than nothing

Consistency is the key but when it comes to blogging something is better than nothing. You can only get to consistency if you start doing something. The more you do it the easier it will become and if it gets easier you will enjoy it and want to be more consistent.  I’m still working on consistency!

Keep it short

You don’t have to write a novel.  The best blogs I’ve read usually are short and sweet.  This format that I am using works best for most people.  With the fast pace, overstimulating world we live in, short and to the point works best for more people.  It is ok to write something that is long, but keep in mind you may be more likely to lose your audience.  People often want to learn something quickly.

It does not have to be a unique topic

People want to read about things the can relate to. If your topic is too unique many people may not be able to relate. I’m not saying don’t write about unique things. I’m sure your topic will resonate with someone, somewhere. What I am saying is don’t stop yourself from writing because someone has already written about it. It is ok to write about what others have already written, your perspective is unique.  This blog is a great example! There have been many before me who have written about blogging, as you can see, that didn’t stop me! What matters is that your perspective can be different or dare I say unique.

Have fun

Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. So, only five people read your blog. Hey, at least five people read it. You are stepping out of your comfort zone, putting yourself out there and helping someone.  Maybe those five people will tell five more people about your blog. When you come from a genuine place, things happen, have fun with it!


Love and Light,

Jessica Alejandro, LMFT


Your Word Has to Be Your Bond

words text scrabble blocks
Photo by Skitterphoto on

Have you ever had someone in your life who says that are going to do something and just never seems to keep their word? Maybe you have a best friend who is a great friend overall, but just seems to fall short in the following through department. You can choose to continue your friendship and accept that they just are absent minded or inconsiderate, or you can choose to not have that person in your life anymore.  I am very much a believer in accepting people for who they are, but there are limits.

I tell my clients that people are who they are. They are not who you want them to be and there is nothing you can do to change that.  People change because they want to change.  You may be a good influence or a catalyst to their change but trust me, you did not change them.

Maybe you can accept a not so reliable best friend, but can you be with a partner who does not stay true to their word?  As a couple’s therapist I hear many people complain about their partner saying they will do something and not follow through.  This is bigger than just not doing something because you were tired or didn’t have time, this is presenting itself as blatant disregard for the person they say they love.

When working with a couple and this issue presents itself, I ask is, has your partner always been this way or is this something new?  hey often reply, “He (She) has always been that way.”  I then ask, “What makes you think that things will change now?”  Most people look at me like I’m crazy for asking this question, but I ask because behavior we allow early on in relationships can be difficult to change. Often, we make excuses for certain behaviors our partner displays at the start of a relationship.  The old rose color glasses syndrome.  As those glasses start to lose their color A.K.A., we start to grow and evolve individually, these behaviors are no longer acceptable and no longer cute.

My mother taught me to stay true to my word, if you say you are going to do something you better be ready and willing to do it.  It is not ok to set an expectation for someone and not meet that expectation.  This is a true sign that the person who cannot keep their word, has lost respect for the other person, or perhaps never respected that person in the first place.  If you find yourself in a relationship with a person like this, it may be time to end it, and if you find it hard to, set some very strict boundaries, for example never asking them to do anything for you again.

Love and Light,

Jessica Alejandro, LMFT

That Time You Felt Like a Fraud!

I take great pride in being an amazing therapist.  It has taken some time to get here for sure.  I have gotten here because I know this is my life’s purpose.  I have also gotten here because I have received confirmation from clients, former clients, other therapists and the Universe, time and time again.  I am a damn good therapist!

But that fraud monster continues to pop up every so often.  He reared his lying head after a very intense couples session.  One person was extremely angry and spitting fire at the other.  There have been many years of betrayal and seeds of resentment that have grown into big, tall, oak trees in this marriage.  Believe it or not, these are the couples that I love to work with.  I work well with them.  I had been working well with this couple and things had been moving in the right direction and then, all hell broke loose.  As a therapist, I know this is actually a good thing.  In my brain I know, that this is part of the process and things often to get worse before they get better.  I’ve been able to manage situations like this in the past but for some reason this situation brought the fraud monster out. What are you doing? Do you know what you are doing? You have made this worse? Who gave you a degree and a license to do this? My energy field seemed unable to hold all of the anger and resentment that was being shot out all at once, like I usually can.  I felt like a fraud!

In the past, it would have taken me some time to get over this feeling.  I would have been reeling about it and not fully present for the rest of my sessions.  But, because I’m a damn good therapist and continue to work on myself, I felt my feelings and let them go! I asked the fraud monster what it was doing here and asked him to kindly leave because he cannot convince me that I am not doing the work I am meant to be doing.  I put a plan in place for my next session with this couple and I  will continue to honor myself and them to help them achieve their goals.  Often times we can get caught up in fear and believe what the Ego tells us is real. It is not real at all!  I write this to let my fellow therapist and healers know that the next time your fraud monster shows up, honor yourself and your feelings.  If you are doing your work from a place of authenticity and Love, you are on the right path.

Be kind and loving to yourself  always!


Jessica Alejandro, LMFT

In Search of Jason Burke

Every two years I take a solo trip to Jakes Hotel Villa & Spa, Callabash Bay Treasure Beach, Jamaica.  I have been doing this since 2011 and it was the best decision I have vere made.  As an Empath, it is essential to recharge your battery on a regular basis.  As and Empath who is a therapist, even more so (more on Empaths in my next post)!

This trip was relaxing and replenishing but I have not been able to let it go.  Ironically enough I talk to my clients about letting go all the time.  Not because getting back to the daily grind sucks after being in pure paradise for seven days, but because of Jason Burke. I met JB on the fourth day at Jake’s.  He was there with his father on a father son bonding trip.  They had been staying with friends who live in Jamaica and decided to take a break and head out on their own.  JB and his father hail from Australia.  I met his father first at Dougie’s Bar, which is the best spot at Jake’s, especially when Dougie himself tended the bar. Then JB rounded the corner. At first he was your typical good looking Australian guy, whatever that is, but as soon as he smiled it all changed.  His smile was everything.  We said our introductions, chatted for a couple of minutes and I learned that JB currently lives in NYC.  A plus, right? What caught my immidiate attention, besides his smile and that he was more local than I initially thought, was how attentive he was to what I was saying.  It is hard to find a man, at least for me, who actually takes an interest in what you are saying. This definitely stood out to me and started my feelings of admiration for him. With those feelings of admiration came my feelings of insecurity. So, I wished them a good day and went on my way to soak up the sun and put my insecure part to rest as I waited for my boat ride to the Pelican Bar.

The next day, I saw them again, but this time we talked some more.  We talked all day pretty much.  JB was polite, attentive, smart, witty, guarded but open.  We talked about relationships, work, life.  We had great banter and chemistry.  He listened and asked questions.  This was the first time in a long time that I felt extremely confortable with a man.  Yes, a man, JB was just that.

That is probably what scared me. I started to convince myself that I was too old, too fat, not what he is looking for. Because a guy like JB wants a blonde haired, blue eyed, skinny white girl. Even though we hit it off, I was sure that there was nothing there. So sure that I missed the biggest cue a man can give you at the end of a great day together.

We often sell ourselves short, most likely because of fear of rejection. For sure that is one of my biggest fears, rejection. I started to ask myself why? There have been times in my life when I did not give two fucks if someone did not want to see my awesomeness. JB saw it and I still let my fear get in the way. I have vowed to not let this happen anymore. Like Rebecca Campbell says “Work your light.” We all have a bright light inside of us. We are the only ones who can shine that light. When you let that light shine those insecure parts cannot and will not overpower you.

Sometimes when your light is so bright, rejection is protection. Some people can’t handle your brightness, it blinds them, exposes them and they must retreat, don’t take it personal and shine brighter than ever.

Peace, Love and Light

Jessica Alejandro, LMFT

I am Woman, Sorry…NOT Sorry! 6 Important Life Lessons Women Need to Hear

As women we have been apologetic simply for existing for way too long. It is time for us to see the divine within us and take our power back. Here are six ways you can start to allow the warrior in you to show up every time.

Be Present With Yourself and Your Uncomfortable

The past no longer exists, the future is not here yet, so all we really should be experiencing is the present moment.  This very moment as you sit where you are and read this.  We spend too much of our time as human beings living in the past.  As women, we spend a lot of time regretting a lot of our past instead of learning from it.  That is where the uncomfortable feelings come from.  We often think that if we stay present we will be uncomfortable but that is a myth.  The uncomfortable feelings come from the lack of being able to change the past or control the future.  We spend too much time worrying about a future that we have no control over.  I often ask my clients “Do you have a crystal ball?” I used to wish that I did, but now I just try to enjoy and experience the present.  It allows me to be self-aware and aware of others.  Do I think about the past? Of course, I do, but I try not to stay there.  It is okay to think about where you have been to see where you are going, just as long as you experience the journey and stop apologizing for enjoying it.

Stop Apologizing For Being

I was at a wonderful women’s group not too long ago. The group meets at an Italian restaurant and there is a set menu, we don’t know what the meal will be until we get to the meeting.  That day the meal happened to be crab cakes on a bed of mixed greens, which was not a crab cake it was more of a salmon cake, but that’s neither here nor there.  There were about three women who were not aware of this and asked that their meal be modified to grilled chicken on top of the bed of greens.  The owner, who happened to be male, seemed annoyed and made a passive aggressive comment that the meals had already been prepared but he would inform the chef of the change.  Two of the women did not seem to care but one of the oldest women at the table kept apologizing and asking him to just give her salad.  The other women simply did not like crab, the older woman who kept apologizing actually was allergic to shell fish.  I had to say to her “stop apologizing, you are not just asking for a change because it is something you don’t like, you can actually die of you eat it.”  This kind of snapped her out of her apology state and she was then able to stop apologizing.  We as women are raised and socialized to apologize for all that we do.  We need to be proud of who we are, own our decisions and choices, even if they seem or feel selfish.  This is the way towards learning to truly love and honor yourself for the wonderful person you are and for all of the great things you do.

Love Yourself No Matter What Others Think Of You

I am happy to say that I have learned to love myself, all of me.  Don’t get me wrong I am still a work in progress but I am in a much better place than I was 10 even 5 years ago.  I love all of me, good bad and indifferent. I love my good parts, my not so good parts and even the parts that make stupid choices and decisions at times.  In our human form we are fallible, the key is to know this be aware and present, commit to improving by being kind to yourself and to others. But not too kind! As women, we tend to always put others needs before our own, stop! It is okay to take care of yourself first.  In fact, if you take care of yourself, you will be stronger and healthier to take care of others in a healthy boundary filled way. Where you are teaching them to take care of themselves, and in turn not depend on you as much.  Let’s be the teachers we are meant to be.  Also, stop caring about what other people think about you.  Do they pay your bills? Do they live your life? Do they help you make important decisions? The answer is NO! People are always going to judge, well, miserable people will always judge. Why give them your power? Haters are going to hate, so stop caring about people who have no bearing on your day to day life.  Caring too much about what others think turns us into our own worst enemy, especially when it comes to loving our bodies.

Love Your Body No Matter What It Looks Like

Guess what? I can actually say that I love my body. Am I satisfied with my body, I would be lying if I said yes, but I have learned to love the bumps, lumps and stretch marks that make me a real woman.  If you are blessed with great genes and don’t have any of these things I am not saying you are not a real woman, I am saying you are lucky and I stopped hating you because I love myself. It took a very long time for me to accept my body and I am happy that I am here.  It has helped my health journey become fun and not tedious. I enjoy working out and don’t beat myself up when I don’t make healthy food choices. I have learned to eliminate the negative reel that runs in my head when I look in the mirror. Try it, it feels amazing.  It helps develop your self-esteem and self-respect. Respecting your choices and your body, will help you respect yourself.

Respect Yourself So That Others Will Respect You

Respecting yourself goes hand in hand with loving yourself and loving your body.  Respecting yourself is and action and an energetic one at that.  The way you carry yourself, the way you talk about yourself and most importantly the way your energetic light shines to the world, will personify the respect you have for yourself.

Demand Respect From Others

I’m not saying act like a Bitch, but if you have to in order to get respect from others, go for it! If you let others treat you like you don’t matter, then you will feel like you don’t matter.  People deserve chances, but how many chances do they deserve? Will you give them so many chances that you lose your self-worth and most importantly your self-respect? You must think about how much is too much?  Everyone’s limit is different, but do not allow yourself to be so mistreated that the anger you should feel for the person mistreating you is now directed to you. Show others how they should treat you by not allowing them to do things to you that they would not want done to them.

Jessica Alejandro, LMFT


5 Characteristics of a Great Marriage

Along with transparent and clear communication, there are other characteristics that can create a great marriage. Here are 5 that can guarantee a better and more satisfying relationship with your partner.

1. Respect

No marriage can exist without mutual respect.  In my work with couples, I find that there is very little respect left in a broken marriage.  I also find that one or both partners are unwilling or unable to give respect when the marriage is in trouble.  This resistance comes from the ego.  The ego often keeps us from humbling ourselves and makes us dig our heels in to make the other person feel our pain.  The truth is, both people should allow themselves to feel the hurt, then learn to work through it to see the other person’s point of view.  That is empathy which will lead to respect.

2. Empathy

Empathy is not feeling sorry for the other person or excusing their actions, that is actually sympathy. Sympathy does not belong in a marriage, but empathy should be present always.  Empathy is the ability to be able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see their side.  By putting yourself in their shoes you can get a better understanding of their actions.  People behave badly at times, but that bad behavior always comes from an unmet need.  This unmet need may not have anything to do with you and your interactions with your partner.  It may be a very old unmet need that stems from childhood. You may be able to help your partner realize that their bad behavior has nothing to do with the relationship.  When we are feeling badly about ourselves and are not present enough to figure out why, we blame others, usually the people who love us the most. Showing them empathy will help you be kind to them and kinder to yourself.

3. Kindness

This should be a no brainer, right? We learned this very early on in life, hopefully.  The golden rule “treating others as one would wish to be treated” If you want more compliments from your partner, compliment them.  One small act of kindness daily (ie: a compliment, a nice note or text, a kiss goodbye or hello) will eliminate the pressure of grand gestures and it will make your partner feel seen and loved. We often forget to be kind and it is the simplest action a human can take. If you model kindness they will in turn act kind, that can be the beginning of good teamwork.

4. Teamwork

I often use the teamwork analogy with couples.  I think this analogy should be included in marriage vows as well.  A team cannot win unless all the players are working together. Sometimes, a lot of times marriage takes work, but it does not have to be hard work.  If one person is working harder than the other, that is a sure sign that there is not teamwork. Now, don’t get me wrong, unfortunately there is no such thing as 50/50. I wish life was fair, but your mother always told you that life is not, so accept it.  There may be times when you feel that you are pulling most of the weight in the relationship, that is okay, as long as this is not permanent.  Relationships should work on a scale and as you know scales are rarely even, but they should not be disproportioned either.  Just like on a team, one person may have to pull most of the weight for a period of time but if the team is working well together the weight can and should be lifted off of that person by the other team member.  That is taking responsibility and being accountable for your actions in the relationship.

5. Accountability/Responsibility

As an individual on a team, you must be accountable and able to take responsibility for your actions, good or bad.  This is what we teach our children, if they take responsibility for their actions the consequences will be less, but if they continue to not take responsibility, that is only going to make the parent more angry and frustrated, therefore the consequences will be greater.  This is the same in marriage.  If you deny your part in a negative situation, your partner will feel like you cannot be trusted.  Admitting your faults and holding yourself accountable will help your partner trust you and know that your word means something, that your word is bond.


Jessica Alejandro, LMFT




The Year Of Me…We

It’s that time of year again! The time when we sit around with our family and friends and make New Year’s resolutions. As in years past, we will be deeply committed to these resolutions for the first two weeks of the year and then forget about all the promises we made to ourselves and others.

For the past ten New Year’s, I have made the resolution of “this year will be about me”.  Every year I say it with good intention but never really manage to stick with it.  I may get a massage or go to a yoga class and feel like I am doing what I have declared to do. But this year, I have decided to really think about what I am declaring.  I decided to really define “the year of me”.

This year, I will be turning 40, yikes! Instead of being annoyed or sad about it, I am going to see this birthday as a blessing for me and others. Again, I say this year will be about me, but this time it’s different, it’s more than just me…it’s WE.  As a marriage and family therapist I work with many great people in search of something.  I started to listen to what my clients were searching for; not what they thought they needed but what their souls were searching for.  I then noticed that I organically started speaking to my clients about the importance of self-care and kindness in the healing process We started to talk more about how self-care and kindness can lead to true self love, which leads to healthy love towards others.  I learned how important these two actions are when learning to truly love yourself and when learning to love others in a healthy way.  How? you ask. I started to practice what I was telling my clients and I noticed a profound change in me.

Self-care and kindness can help you deal with stress and anxiety in a much more productive way.  My clients and I, together came up with self-care ideas that work for them.  When my clients started engaging in productive self-care acts, they were amazed at how much happier they started to feel. They also found it much easier to do kind things for others; small acts of kindness without even thinking about it. Watching my clients transform in this way has made my work very rewarding.

I believe that I have found my life’s purpose in doing the work that I do with my clients.  Helping others provides meaning to my life. This is why I want 2017 to be “the year of me…WE”!  Every month of 2017 I will be celebrating my 40th year of life by doing one of two things: a solo self-care activity or a group (family and friends) self-care activity AND an act of kindness.  I will be celebrating the “year of me” by doing good things for myself but also doing good things for others, making it “the year of me…WE”.  To ensure that this will not just be another failed New Year’s resolution, I am constructing a list of activities for every month.  I am creating of list of 2-3 activities per month in order to have options and make sure that I do at least one of these activities.  Here is my list so far:

  1. Vacation for my birthday
  2. Road Trip to Canada
  3. Trip to Sedona
  4. Cross country drive

I know some of these ideas may be expensive but self-care does not have to cost anything…

  1. Create a daily affirmations box/file, change your negative internal script into a positive one
  2. Rock Climbing Gym, challenge yourself out of your comfort zone
  3. Weekly Hike, connecting with nature is very relaxing
  4. Let Go Bond Fire, start a bond fire with friends write down your worries, fears and negative thoughts and burn them in the fire
  5. Volunteer for a charitable organization, it is good for you and others
  6. Habitat for Humanity, nothing better than helping others obtain a basic need that many take for granted
  7. Volunteer at Soup kitchen, it feeds the soul
  8. Make care bags for the homeless, helps them see someone cares and they matter
  9. Volunteer at dog shelter/pound, because dogs are awesome and really have this love thing down way better than humans
  10. Pay for another person’s coffee when buying your own, because it is cool when someone does it for you
  11. Speak only kind words for a week, you will feel happier and lighter
  12. Spend a day leaving positive affirmation sticky notes in random places, the person who really needs it will find it

This is an ongoing list, please feel free to add any ideas you may have.

The goal is to learn to love Whole Heartedly by becoming better at self-care and at the same time becoming better at giving back to others, even in the smallest ways. To make it easier, I have provided some links to help with act of kindness and some additional self-care ideas.  Remember even the smallest act of kindness can mean a lot to someone.

I will be keeping a journal of my thoughts and feelings throughout this year long journey. I know that through this journey, I will continue to become a better person and learn how to love others in a healthier way. I ask you to join in on this idea and make 2017 the year of me…WE! We need this now more than ever!!

With Whole Hearted Love,

Jessica Alejandro, LMFT