To Be or Not to Be…Alcohol Free

What I’ve learned about myself and others in relationship to alcohol!

After one of the silliest and random dreams I’ve had in a long time, I decided to stop drinking for at least a month! The clear message when I woke up was “Stop drinking for at least a month.” Having been on my spiritual journey for a long time now, I’ve learned to pay attention to clear messages no matter how ridiculous the messenger may seem. So here I am…a two and a half months into this no drinking journey…and it’s been very interesting!

The dream and the main message received

If you’re anything like me or more like any of my friends you’re like, “WTF was that dream about that made her make this crazy choice?” Here’s the super silly but impactful dream…

Dream highlights:

Guy Fieri, (super random and I hadn’t watched the Food Network) doing a cooking demo and I had the best seats😎

I had great seats but kept getting up to get drinks because the people in the audience were not my cup of tea😧

Every time I got up to get a drink I would lose my seat😡

Drank so much I black out, loose lots of time and my dog (who almost always represents moral choices in my dreams, or fear of losing myself)😲

Enter stage left, my best friend to fill in the blanks😫

the loss of time and my dog felt horrible but more than that the reason for my drinking…to cope with others behaviors and energies around me😱

It became apparent to me that in my dream and in my awake life, I was starting to drink to cope with other people’s behaviors and energies. This is not ok, especially as an energy practitioner/healer, I need to be in tune and as sentient as I can be to help others tap into their intuition and self healing powers. I am grateful for this dream and this realization, it’s what’s given me the motivation to change my behavior around alcohol. Alcohol was making my body feel horrible, especially as I’ve gotten older, one drink or more than one drink it didn’t matter, I’d feel like crap the day after. That had not been enough change my relationship with alcohol! But this dream did…

Throughout the years I’ve had my love affair with alcohol. In my 20’s alcohol was a good friend, until it wasn’t. Train wreck relationships and a couple of poor choices were made, but that’s all part of young adulthood. Alcohol allowed me to have some great experiential adventures in my 30’s providing lots of fun and adventure. I’ve made many great friends and our bonds have grown stronger because of alcohol, so I hold no ill will towards alcohol. But, when the relationship changes and there are no longer any real benefits, it’s time to do something different.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far on this journey:
It was definitely harder than I thought it would be.

To be honest if it weren’t for the impact of the dream I may have given in days into my no drinking journey. I started this journey on August 18…still almost a month left of summer, even though the pumpkin spice crews will disagree with that.

Walking into a liquor store 2 weeks into the journey was interesting. I was going to check out the non-alcoholic options they had because I was going to an outdoor show with my BFF. Outdoor live music is one of the places I would indulge in alcohol consumption, sometimes a lot! When I walked into this huge liquor store I felt a twitch in my body and my automatic thought was “All of this alcohol and I can’t have any of it.” I said that a couple of times to myself and then I realized, It’s not that I can’t have it, it’s that I’m choosing not to have it. That was an aha moment for me (or a reframe as most therapist, including myself, would say) and made me more determined to see this through.

I then thought my biggest hurdles would be:

  • brunch with my best friend✔
  • any meal at a restaurant with my BFF✔✔
  • outdoor concerts, particularly Will Evans✔✔✔

But it was neither of these…it was a very good friends cookout…these very good friends are also very good drinkers. To say peer pressure was fought off that night is an understatement. All done in love, for sure, but maybe in love for the drink? The comments I received from people at the cookout were initially supportive, but when they heard the length of time was 1 month, most if not all people responded with “ooh that’s a long time!” or “ugh why would you do that for so long?” or the one that made me more determined and a little sad was “I don’t think I could go that long.” 😲

We as a society don’t celebrate not drinking…it’s labeled as boring!

I’m as wild and fun as they come, at least I have been wild in my youth, but I know I’m still hella fun! But for some reason people seem to think that you can’t have fun if you’re not drinking. What I have observed from this no drinking lens is the urgency for people to get drunk when they drink. It’s like feast or famine. This has blown my mind how people’s goal is not to drink socially, it’s to get waisted to be social.

To be honest, at first, my ego put me in a position of feeling like an outcast, like I was boring. I quickly tossed that idea aside because, I know I’m not boring, I just have to learn how to be fun in my own skin again and not in my inebriated skin. This has been a bit of a re-learning.

Alcohol & Drinking it is Everywhere

Pretty much everything we do as a society revolves around drinking. At my last job before my private practice, I was the Happy Hour organizer and we had great times and I have lifetime friendships with my former co-workers. You go to a party and what do you bring most of the time? A bottle of wine…or two? Kids parties with adults, there is sure to be alcohol. I even heard of someone having a sober party for their friend and all the guests got shit faced🤔. There’s something really wrong with that!

We need to take a look at ourselves and examine why we need to put on the mask of alcohol to be ok around others. We as a species are not doing something right if we can’t tolerate being around each other without substances.

Mocktails are Amazing

What has made this process easier for me is that almost every restaurant has mocktails on their menus now and if they don’t bar tenders are always willing to concoct something for you if you ask!

Apparently I’m not the only one looking at alcohol differently. Since I started this part of my journey and started saying it out loud, I’ve seen way more mocktail companies pop up on my social media feeds(because our phones are always listening), but we know this already. What is really annoying is that they are more expensive than alcohol. If they rally want to promote a healthy alcohol free lifestyles they should price their products more reasonably. What this tells me is that these mocktails are trendy and designed for fun not to truly help people maintain a sober lifestyles. I want to see a celebrity create a mocktail line that actually helps people live a sober life.

Is this forever?

I really can’t answer that with a yes or no just with a “it’s for right now!” I’m not sure if I’m done drinking all together. I have been telling people “I’m not drinking right now”, today I spoke to someone and said “I stopped drinking.” This was the first time I said it that way. I can say this, my body feels💯better-no heartburn, not feeling so bloated and sleeping better. I have contemplated having a drink and then I think about the kind of alcohol I would chose and all of it reminds me of how yucky I feel. So I guess…Only time will tell🥰

The Challenge

I challenge you to take a look at your relationship with alcohol. Has your motivation for drinking changed? Ae you using alcohol to numb or deal? How is your body feeling during and after you drink? What is recovery time like? Is it worth it? My choice to stop for now, is my choice and by no means am I saying you have to stop drinking, but just be curious. Can you be more present, joyful and connected in life if you change your relationship with alcohol?

If you truly need help reach out to your local AA meeting or consider detox options and rehab options:

Call 211 in CT for more information or click on the link below

Blessings & LOve

The Spiritual Journey ain’t all Rainbows and Ponies!

If you are in the beginning, middle or any stage of your spiritual journey you probably have days when you wish you wouldn’t have said yes to this path. It’s okay to admit, this shit can be really hard, dramatic, crazy, stupid…I can keep going. Just know and TRUST that it’s totally worth it!

You’ve probably heard it a million times now, from your spirit guides specifically (those buggers)…that you signed up for this. Yes you did my dear! You didn’t just happen to fall into your spiritual journey, even though it may feel that way because, in reality you probably can’t remember actually saying yes to it. You may have said yes to just being more present or Reiki attuned, starting a meditation practice, going to that Yoga class but you didn’t realize what else you were saying yes to, at least not the human you. Your higher self was like “yes girl (or guy) you finally listened, I’ve been waiting patiently… so put on your seat belt ’cause we’re going for a ride.”

And what a F’ing ride its been, am I right?! Being so aware and more connected can be really annoying and downright exhausting. The cliché “Ignorance is Bliss” has never seemed so on point. This journey can feel very lonely, especially the more you lean into it.

Long time friends may not do it for you anymore or they may pull away because they think you’ve changed. Old relationships may have to end because they no longer align with your beliefs and vibration. Strong boundaries will have to be set with toxic people in your life, even parents. Allowing your heart to open and expand demands that room be made and old negative beliefs, and even people, be released.

I’m here to tell you, in the words of one of the most amazing self-love journey, spiritual Queens Adele… HOLD ON!

Everything gets better, and even better, YOU get BETTER at pretty much everything!

I’m not saying you literally get super powers but it sure can feel like it sometimes. The best part is you start to LIVE life, be PRESENT more connected to your body, the Earth, nature and all of the beauty that is around you.

So, you do get your rainbows and ponies…once in a while😉

  • While on this crazy ass journey remember to:
  • Bring yourself back to you, go inward as much as you can and listen to your inner guidence
  • Start a daily practice! It can be one thing eg: start a gratitude list every morning
  • Get out in nature as much as you can
  • Find a soul family member, someone who gets it and doesn’t think you’re crazy. You don’t have to do this alone because you’re not the only one doing it

Take care of yourself always but especially when you are in the throws of a dark night of the soul or just a simple crumbling. I’ll write more about this on my next post!

Just remember it’s completely worth it…so that you can show others how to grow and heal, help the Earth heal and best of all, live a present life, helping your soul grow and expand, so maybe, just maybe, you won’t have to do this again!🙏🏽

Blessings & Love,

The Myths and Lessons of Unrequited Love💖

I’ve spent most of this lifetime in a state of unrequited love, you know the love given by you and not returned by the other.

For some reason, this phrase kept playing in my head for the last couple of weeks.  I kept telling my Divine Rebel FB group that I’d be doing a live about this and I kept avoiding it. 

Not sure why I was so hesitant because I wanted to talk about the gift that unrequited love has been for me.  I see that now.

For a long time I walked around feeling worthless unloveable and dare I say rejected.  As I sat to think more about this, I realized how far back this went. 

The first dose of love not returned was in elementary school. Yes, that early…this is how I know that I’m a very old soul…whatever that means!

Well it means that, I came into this existence with the need to find love and have babies.  And when I mean came into this existence that way, I remember being 3 years old and having a crush on my babysitter’s husband.  He had the dreamiest green eyes…thought the 3 year old.  I also had a crush on my oldest sister’s boyfriend now my brother in law, he’s been in the family for a long time…and does not let me live that down…every chance he gets.(insert eye roll). 

Those were all silly little crushes and disturbing ones too now that I think about it but my first true experience of unreturned love was in elementary school.

My very first older girl crush at age 9.  He was the dreamiest, athletic with gold curly locks and the greenest eyes. I’m noticing a pattern here🤦🏽‍♀️.  He was two years older and did not even know I existed.  I was in the 4th grade I think, and he was in 6th, needless to say he saw me as a little girl…maybe because I was.  But my deep almost obsessive crush got stronger as he continued to ignore me.  I wrote him “love letters” professing my love, pretty bold huh? I would sit for hours transcribing freestyle love songs to give to him, this was way before the internet…he ignored each and every letter I ever gave him. Enter the worthless and unlovable parts of me.

Fast forward into my young adult years and it wasn’t physically unrequited anymore. Guys found me sexy and wanted to take advantage of that and I let them, but there was still no love returned. Because of the worthless, unlovable, unworthy parts that had been formed through what I know now as toxic masculine energy that I displayed and received in return. 

Funny thing is when I did have love returned to me, I rejected it…I’d build a case against the poor guy…he’s too nice, he’s not man enough, he’s not ambitious enough.  When love was given, I rejected it and blocked it. I felt unworthy of it.

It wasn’t until I started looking within, connecting with my highest self, that I was able to see all of these experiences of love given but not returned, were showing me I was not loving myself.  It was a clear reflection back to me telling me “You are the one who is not returning the love to yourself, until you see that you will not be able to allow anyone into your life fully and wholeheartedly.”

If this sounds like a familiar story, I want you to ask yourself:

Are you rejecting yourself? Are you blocking love to yourself form yourself or others? Even if you have a partner who loves you, are you still not returning love to yourself? 

The more we look within we can see what patterns of behaviors and emotions no longer serve us. It’s time to start listening to yourself, your highest self because she has all of the answers, she always has. 

With much LOVE and Blessings,

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