relationships – Jessica Alejandro, LMFT

The Spiritual Journey ain’t all Rainbows and Ponies!

If you are in the beginning, middle or any stage of your spiritual journey you probably have days when you wish you wouldn’t have said yes to this path. It’s okay to admit, this shit can be really hard, dramatic, crazy, stupid…I can keep going. Just know and TRUST that it’s totally worth it!

You’ve probably heard it a million times now, from your spirit guides specifically (those buggers)…that you signed up for this. Yes you did my dear! You didn’t just happen to fall into your spiritual journey, even though it may feel that way because, in reality you probably can’t remember actually saying yes to it. You may have said yes to just being more present or Reiki attuned, starting a meditation practice, going to that Yoga class but you didn’t realize what else you were saying yes to, at least not the human you. Your higher self was like “yes girl (or guy) you finally listened, I’ve been waiting patiently… so put on your seat belt ’cause we’re going for a ride.”

And what a F’ing ride its been, am I right?! Being so aware and more connected can be really annoying and downright exhausting. The cliché “Ignorance is Bliss” has never seemed so on point. This journey can feel very lonely, especially the more you lean into it.

Long time friends may not do it for you anymore or they may pull away because they think you’ve changed. Old relationships may have to end because they no longer align with your beliefs and vibration. Strong boundaries will have to be set with toxic people in your life, even parents. Allowing your heart to open and expand demands that room be made and old negative beliefs, and even people, be released.

I’m here to tell you, in the words of one of the most amazing self-love journey, spiritual Queens Adele… HOLD ON!

Everything gets better, and even better, YOU get BETTER at pretty much everything!

I’m not saying you literally get super powers but it sure can feel like it sometimes. The best part is you start to LIVE life, be PRESENT more connected to your body, the Earth, nature and all of the beauty that is around you.

So, you do get your rainbows and ponies…once in a while😉

While on this crazy ass journey remember to:
Bring yourself back to you, go inward as much as you can and listen to your inner guidence
Start a daily practice! It can be one thing eg: start a gratitude list every morning
Get out in nature as much as you can
Find a soul family member, someone who gets it and doesn’t think you’re crazy. You don’t have to do this alone because you’re not the only one doing it

Take care of yourself always but especially when you are in the throws of a dark night of the soul or just a simple crumbling. I’ll write more about this on my next post!

Just remember it’s completely worth it…so that you can show others how to grow and heal, help the Earth heal and best of all, live a present life, helping your soul grow and expand, so maybe, just maybe, you won’t have to do this again!🙏🏽

Blessings & Love,

The Myths and Lessons of Unrequited Love💖

I’ve spent most of this lifetime in a state of unrequited love, you know the love given by you and not returned by the other.

For some reason, this phrase kept playing in my head for the last couple of weeks. I kept telling my Divine Rebel FB group that I’d be doing a live about this and I kept avoiding it.

Not sure why I was so hesitant because I wanted to talk about the gift that unrequited love has been for me. I see that now.

For a long time I walked around feeling worthless unloveable and dare I say rejected. As I sat to think more about this, I realized how far back this went.

The first dose of love not returned was in elementary school. Yes, that early…this is how I know that I’m a very old soul…whatever that means!

Well it means that, I came into this existence with the need to find love and have babies. And when I mean came into this existence that way, I remember being 3 years old and having a crush on my babysitter’s husband. He had the dreamiest green eyes…thought the 3 year old. I also had a crush on my oldest sister’s boyfriend now my brother in law, he’s been in the family for a long time…and does not let me live that down…every chance he gets.(insert eye roll).

Those were all silly little crushes and disturbing ones too now that I think about it but my first true experience of unreturned love was in elementary school.

My very first older girl crush at age 9. He was the dreamiest, athletic with gold curly locks and the greenest eyes. I’m noticing a pattern here🤦🏽‍♀️. He was two years older and did not even know I existed. I was in the 4^th grade I think, and he was in 6^th, needless to say he saw me as a little girl…maybe because I was. But my deep almost obsessive crush got stronger as he continued to ignore me. I wrote him “love letters” professing my love, pretty bold huh? I would sit for hours transcribing freestyle love songs to give to him, this was way before the internet…he ignored each and every letter I ever gave him. Enter the worthless and unlovable parts of me.

Fast forward into my young adult years and it wasn’t physically unrequited anymore. Guys found me sexy and wanted to take advantage of that and I let them, but there was still no love returned. Because of the worthless, unlovable, unworthy parts that had been formed through what I know now as toxic masculine energy that I displayed and received in return.

Funny thing is when I did have love returned to me, I rejected it…I’d build a case against the poor guy…he’s too nice, he’s not man enough, he’s not ambitious enough. When love was given, I rejected it and blocked it. I felt unworthy of it.

It wasn’t until I started looking within, connecting with my highest self, that I was able to see all of these experiences of love given but not returned, were showing me I was not loving myself. It was a clear reflection back to me telling me “You are the one who is not returning the love to yourself, until you see that you will not be able to allow anyone into your life fully and wholeheartedly.”

If this sounds like a familiar story, I want you to ask yourself:

Are you rejecting yourself? Are you blocking love to yourself form yourself or others? Even if you have a partner who loves you, are you still not returning love to yourself?

The more we look within we can see what patterns of behaviors and emotions no longer serve us. It’s time to start listening to yourself, your highest self because she has all of the answers, she always has.

With much LOVE and Blessings,

If you would like help with tools and techniques on how to connect with your highest self you can join my FREE FB Group Divine Rebel SiStarhood right here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/wholehearthealing

Other ways to work with me:

If you want to work with me directly visit my website:

www.Jessicaalejandrolmft.com Or contact me at 4wholehearthealing@gmail.com

That Time You Felt Like a Fraud!

I take great pride in being an amazing therapist. It has taken some time to get here for sure. I have gotten here because I know this is my life’s purpose. I have also gotten here because I have received confirmation from clients, former clients, other therapists and the Universe, time and time again. I am a damn good therapist!

But that fraud monster continues to pop up every so often. He reared his lying head after a very intense couples session. One person was extremely angry and spitting fire at the other. There have been many years of betrayal and seeds of resentment that have grown into big, tall, oak trees in this marriage. Believe it or not, these are the couples that I love to work with. I work well with them. I had been working well with this couple and things had been moving in the right direction and then, all hell broke loose. As a therapist, I know this is actually a good thing. In my brain I know, that this is part of the process and things often to get worse before they get better. I’ve been able to manage situations like this in the past but for some reason this situation brought the fraud monster out. What are you doing? Do you know what you are doing? You have made this worse? Who gave you a degree and a license to do this? My energy field seemed unable to hold all of the anger and resentment that was being shot out all at once, like I usually can. I felt like a fraud!

In the past, it would have taken me some time to get over this feeling. I would have been reeling about it and not fully present for the rest of my sessions. But, because I’m a damn good therapist and continue to work on myself, I felt my feelings and let them go! I asked the fraud monster what it was doing here and asked him to kindly leave because he cannot convince me that I am not doing the work I am meant to be doing. I put a plan in place for my next session with this couple and I will continue to honor myself and them to help them achieve their goals. Often times we can get caught up in fear and believe what the Ego tells us is real. It is not real at all! I write this to let my fellow therapist and healers know that the next time your fraud monster shows up, honor yourself and your feelings. If you are doing your work from a place of authenticity and Love, you are on the right path.

Be kind and loving to yourself always!

Jessica Alejandro, LMFT

http://www.4wholehearthealing.com

5 Characteristics of a Great Marriage

Along with transparent and clear communication, there are other characteristics that can create a great marriage. Here are 5 that can guarantee a better and more satisfying relationship with your partner.

1. Respect

No marriage can exist without mutual respect. In my work with couples, I find that there is very little respect left in a broken marriage. I also find that one or both partners are unwilling or unable to give respect when the marriage is in trouble. This resistance comes from the ego. The ego often keeps us from humbling ourselves and makes us dig our heels in to make the other person feel our pain. The truth is, both people should allow themselves to feel the hurt, then learn to work through it to see the other person’s point of view. That is empathy which will lead to respect.

2. Empathy

Empathy is not feeling sorry for the other person or excusing their actions, that is actually sympathy. Sympathy does not belong in a marriage, but empathy should be present always. Empathy is the ability to be able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see their side. By putting yourself in their shoes you can get a better understanding of their actions. People behave badly at times, but that bad behavior always comes from an unmet need. This unmet need may not have anything to do with you and your interactions with your partner. It may be a very old unmet need that stems from childhood. You may be able to help your partner realize that their bad behavior has nothing to do with the relationship. When we are feeling badly about ourselves and are not present enough to figure out why, we blame others, usually the people who love us the most. Showing them empathy will help you be kind to them and kinder to yourself.

3. Kindness

This should be a no brainer, right? We learned this very early on in life, hopefully. The golden rule “treating others as one would wish to be treated” If you want more compliments from your partner, compliment them. One small act of kindness daily (ie: a compliment, a nice note or text, a kiss goodbye or hello) will eliminate the pressure of grand gestures and it will make your partner feel seen and loved. We often forget to be kind and it is the simplest action a human can take. If you model kindness they will in turn act kind, that can be the beginning of good teamwork.

4. Teamwork

I often use the teamwork analogy with couples. I think this analogy should be included in marriage vows as well. A team cannot win unless all the players are working together. Sometimes, a lot of times marriage takes work, but it does not have to be hard work. If one person is working harder than the other, that is a sure sign that there is not teamwork. Now, don’t get me wrong, unfortunately there is no such thing as 50/50. I wish life was fair, but your mother always told you that life is not, so accept it. There may be times when you feel that you are pulling most of the weight in the relationship, that is okay, as long as this is not permanent. Relationships should work on a scale and as you know scales are rarely even, but they should not be disproportioned either. Just like on a team, one person may have to pull most of the weight for a period of time but if the team is working well together the weight can and should be lifted off of that person by the other team member. That is taking responsibility and being accountable for your actions in the relationship.

5. Accountability/Responsibility

As an individual on a team, you must be accountable and able to take responsibility for your actions, good or bad. This is what we teach our children, if they take responsibility for their actions the consequences will be less, but if they continue to not take responsibility, that is only going to make the parent more angry and frustrated, therefore the consequences will be greater. This is the same in marriage. If you deny your part in a negative situation, your partner will feel like you cannot be trusted. Admitting your faults and holding yourself accountable will help your partner trust you and know that your word means something, that your word is bond.

Jessica Alejandro, LMFT

http://www.4WholeHeartHealing.com